Cranky Old Wizards
by Gandalf's Beard
Summary: Why does Alex Russo hate crotchety old wizards? Harry and Hermione want to know! Rated M (R) for language but suitable for teens.


_This conversation takes place shortly after the Demon Brawl in HP&WoWP Book 3: Tears of the Dragon - which will be concluded in about 2 more chapters (I've been editing and revising them for a couple of months now to clean up a lot of loose threads and plot incongruities :P Hopefully I'll be able to finish it after my big move out of state next week). This short is not too spoilerific, as anybody following that novella can easily see the conclusion drawing nearer. _

**~o0o~**

The meeting with Agent Hotchner - current Liaison to the Wizard World from the US government, Professor Crumbs, Justin Russo - the current president of Wizard World USA and Alex's brother, and Arthur Weasley - the British Minister of Magic, had appeared to conclude amiably enough, given the somber circumstances. The ramifications of the outcome of the Demon Brawl were devastating to the International Statute of Secrecy.

The battle had raged across four continents, trashed the top of Tel Megiddo, knocked down the world's tallest skyscraper in Dubai, flattened a pyramid in Giza, demolished the statue of The Redeemer in Brazil, crushed the Capitol Building in Washington DC, and killed thousands of people. Not to mention the complete obliteration of the Hubble Telescope and the planet Mercury.

Abaddon's gigantic corpse was rotting in the Egyptian sun, cell-phone footage of Yahweh and Ravana's battles clogged the TV networks and Youtube, and muggles the world over now knew with a certainty that their world was much bigger than previously believed.

Alex had clutched Harry's arm tightly and scowled at Professor Crumbs throughout the entire debriefing, saying nothing herself. Crumbs couldn't pin this one on her, but she almost expected him to try.

"So why don't you like Professor Crumbs Alex?" Harry asked after the meeting. "He seems alright to me... Reminds me of Dumbledore a bit. Maybe a bit cryptic - but his heart's in the right place, isn't it?"

Alex's face creased into a frown. Hermione peered at her inquisitively.

"Maybe..." Alex began, "I don't know! I mean, sure, he's a 'good guy,' but he's a twisted old asshole who gets off on mind-fucking everyone." She finished with a snarl.

Harry started. He had never seen Alex look so enraged, or heard her say 'fuck' before. Alex's eyes filled with hurt, angry tears.

"That old fucker tricked me into breaking the Secrecy laws!" Alex spat, "I only did it to SAVE everyone, and he fucking knew it! Sure, my idea was stupid, but I was only 16. I actually believed that most normals would feel bad about the government rounding up and locking up wizards and would want to help us. It was all some sort of stupid bullshit test..."

Harry's face darkened. As manipulative as he had been, not even Dumbledore would have stooped so low. Hermione listened attentively, and Alex continued,

"I was SO scared at first. The FBI - the fake FBI - arrested us and took us to some kind of underground facility to interrogate us. When they actually interrogated me, they seemed kinda lame though, easy to mess with. But still... I thought they were going to experiment on us. Then we escaped, but a lot of wizards - including that asshole Crumbs, I thought - were still captured." Alex heaved a sob, the memory as overwhelming as if it had been yesterday.

"So... so I called the media to tell people that the government was locking up wizards to experiment on. And that's when HE showed up and blamed ME for trying to expose wizardry to the world. I had to go to court and everything. Almost lost my powers... "

Hermione gasped in horror. Harry looked dumbfounded.

"...and the worst thing is. I actually felt guilty about it for a long time." Continued Alex, her face streaked with tears. "Like I had done something wrong. But a long time later... after I won the Wizard of the Year award, I was just so angry at everyone."

"Justin sabotaged the award ceremony because he was jealous of me. Then the Beast Tamer jerk - I told you about him - was hitting on me hard, creeping me out, and I didn't know what to do. Mason showed up and said he wanted to apologise, but then he threw another jealous tantrum and had a fight with the Beast Tamer... they trashed the place." Alex sniffed.

"Anyway, after that I was just so mad at everyone and I stopped feeling guilty... I was trying to SAVE everyone!" Alex said with a pained, almost pleading expression.

"And that's why I hate Crumbs... and cranky old wizards with long white beards. I'm NEVER going to let some nasty old man push me around or fuck with me EVER again." Alex concluded vehemently.


End file.
